America, we have a selfie problem…

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As a single woman, I have no choice but to try to meet men through on-line dating sites.  Some are better than others, but I still find all of them exhausting.  They are so time consuming with the constant texting and emailing…..can’t we just get to the point where we want to hang out and watch TV together?  I already work full time and raise two kids on my own; on-line dating feels more like a third job than a land of opportunity.

Online dating is so manufactured and prefabricated that any sense of authenticity has completely vanished from the first date. You have already read what their favorite restaurant is and found out what music they like. It’s almost too familiar when you meet in person.  It feels very much like running into a Facebook friend that you haven’t seen in 20 years, but already know exactly what they have been up to.  Except, now you have invested a lot of time into this person, and you have never even met them.

Dating profiles make it very easy to reduce people to nothing more than your checklist and to quickly swipe left (say “no” to them, married peeps).  For example, I don’t give men a chance that show the following pictures on their profile:

  • Leaning on their car/motorcycle- ugh
  • Too many selfies- murderer
  • A bathroom mirror selfie- gross
  • Too many pics with a dog- sappy
  • Holding a kid that is not theirs- too premeditated/definitely a murder

The Huffington Post recently released an article stating that men who take too many selfies are more likely to show psychopathic and narcissistic tendencies.  Obviously.  I don’t think we needed a study to prove this, but it’s nice to have some back up documentation.  I mean, where are their friends?  Why are they always alone?  Why are they thinking about how hot they look while they are alone?  There are many mysteries about these guys, but I like living, so I am not going to be the one to solve the mystery.  Sorry ladies.

Another issue with the “selfie generation” is the guy that asks way too soon for a “private pic.”  Listen up psychopath, “I DON’T KNOW YOU AND I AM NOT SENDING YOU A PICTURE!”  You really would not believe just how many times I have been sent this request.  Men that haven’t even bought me a cup of coffee yet, are already asking me to send them a pic.  As if.  First of all, I have no idea what you plan on doing with my picture.  If it’s what I think they want to do with my picture, then especially NO.  Secondly, do men think that we sit around our houses at night looking cute?  News Flash:  we don’t!  I am in pajama pants and a sweatshirt.  No makeup.  Headband.  Probably some zit cream and you want me to send a pic?  Hell no.  Even if I have been dating you for a while, and I like you, I am still not sending you a pic. The effort to get cute alone is totally not worth it. Nor, are the repercussions when you release the picture on-line after we break up.  Really, who do you think you are?

I learned not to date Selfie Guy the hard way (Dad, stop reading now).  He was charming enough, at first.  He texted a lot.  Too much,now that I think about it.  He also sent me a few silly selfies throughout texting conversations that made me laugh.  You know funny faces, in response to sarcastic comment, etc.  Selfie Guy seemed witty and jovial.  We had met twice.  Once for a quick lunch and second for a happy hour.  Both were very fun and we had agreed to meet for the third date. An actual Friday night dinner date.  We were joining the big leagues!  I woke up Friday morning to a text that went something like this:

Selfie Guy- “Can’t wait to see you”

Me- “Me too”

Selfie Guy- “Already shaving my face to get ready”

Me- “It should be fun”

Selfie Guy- “Here’s how excited I am”

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Now, please remember, that up until this point, Selfie Guy had sent nothing but silly faces.  So, when I see an attachment, I naturally click on it believing that I am about to see a pic of him shaving.  NOPE.  Selfie Guy sent a video.  A VIDEO. I was so shocked that when I tried to shut it down, I just kept hitting play over and over again. Consequently, watching the happy ending over and over….it’s still burning in my eyes and I may never be OK again. You can use your imagination.

The on-line dating community is small enough that this story made it’s way through several of my single girls. They also had similar encounters with Selfie Guy. Turns out, the creep sends the same video to all of his on-line conquests. We aren’t even special!  He just stores it in wait. Somehow, that made me feel dirtier.  Be safe out there ladies.  And remember, don’t open any attachments.

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